But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
