You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
