So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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