i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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