You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
