You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
