Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
