Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
