tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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