yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
