i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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