What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
