I wish I could teleport
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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