Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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