He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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