awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
