i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
