last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
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It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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