can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
