I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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