There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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