you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize