The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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