So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
