I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
