If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
