dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
