I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
