dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
