I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
