Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
