first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
