haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
