tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just gift wrapped bread.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
