If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
