I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
