How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
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so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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