Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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