Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
