I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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