Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
