just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
