yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
