I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
