I bet he comes in French.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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