I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
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I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We have so much sex to catch up on
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I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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