My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
