I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
