no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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