Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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