I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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