giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
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Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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