He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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