you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize