I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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