Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
