I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
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I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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