He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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