my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
