If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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