Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
