chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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