One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
